The holidays are seen as a time that families often get together to celebrate. While this is a very joyful time for some people, it can be very hard for those who have lost someone close to them. No matter how long ago someone has passed away, the holidays are always a time when their memory begins to shine a little brighter. While this may welcome thoughts of happy memories with this person, it can also evoke strong feelings of grief.
For example, someone who has lost a loved one around Thanksgiving may experience feelings of grief during this time. However, this does not have to be a bad thing. Below are some ways that may help you work through your grief.
Keep in mind that there is no “right” way to grieve when coping with grief around the holidays. Some things that work for some people may not work for you, and that is okay! It may take trying a few different things to learn what is best for you. Below are a few different things you can try if you are grieving during the holidays.
Allow Yourself to Feel Joy When Coping with Grief Around the Holidays
Oftentimes, people who are grieving might feel guilty feeling joy if they have recently lost a loved one. This is because they may feel as though a laugh or a smile might mean that they are moving on. Although this is a completely normal emotion, it is important to remember that it is okay to feel joy when you are grieving. Whether you smile remembering a funny memory with them or laugh at something that has nothing to do with them, it is okay to feel joy when you are grieving. Grief and joy are not opposite emotions. They can be experienced simultaneously.
This is especially important when it comes to coping with grief around the holidays, as you may feel as though you don’t have permission to enjoy this time, whether it be with family or friends. You can absolutely enjoy the holidays while also grieving at the same time.
Find a Way to Memorialize your Loved One Through Traditions
You and your friends and family might be looking for a way to remember your loved one who has passed. A great way to do this is to develop a holiday tradition in their memory. Perhaps there was a holiday they particularly loved, or one that you always looked forward to seeing them at. Try to find something that you can do each year in their memory each year during this holiday.
Some examples of traditions might be writing a letter to your loved one, planting a tree, playing music they enjoyed, or simply setting a place for them at the table. It is also important to remember that memorializing your loved one may just naturally arise during conversations about times spent with them.
Allow Patience When Coping with Grief Around the Holidays
An important thing to recognize and understand about coping with grief around the holidays is that everyone grieves in different ways and amounts of time. Especially if it is one of your first times experiencing a loss, continue to remind yourself that your grief does not need to look the same as anyone else’s. If you feel like another person is grieving “faster” than you, remember that you are allowed to grieve at your own pace and allow yourself that patience.
Patience is important especially since grief may rise and fall in waves. It is ok to give yourself permission to pause, breathe, and acknowledge that you are in a moment of grief. Offer yourself a mindful self-compassion moment as a way of validating and supporting yourself.
It’s Okay to Take a Break
For some people, attending a family holiday is a great distraction. For others, though, the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. When you have lost a loved one, holiday traditions might be difficult. Remind yourself that it is okay to sit out of a holiday if you feel that it will be too much for you.
Listening to your emotions and needs is important when coping with grief around the holidays. They may change over time and what you need one holiday season may be different than the next. Remember to allow yourself permission to pay mindful attention to your emotions, thoughts, and experiences, as they will help guide you through your grief.
Ask for Help When Coping with Grief Around the Holidays
Grieving is not something that you need to do alone. Whether it be a friend, family member, or therapist, it is more than okay (and actually a smart idea) to ask someone to help you through the grieving process. Be honest with yourself and others about how you are feeling. If you know someone who has gone through something similar, you can ask them about their experience for their advice. Something as simple as just sharing some good memories about your loved one with a friend can be incredibly helpful.
Thank you to Best Within You Therapy & Wellness intern Jane Goldsmith and Dr. Laura Riss for this blog post about dealing with grief around the holidays.
If you would like to schedule an appointment with one of the psychologists at our practice please visit our appointment page. Our team is here to help you with your grief.
